Lessthanthree

This one is just for my own personal self.
"Hey, I need to tell you something. Your are extremely mistake. You're not lame or dumb or annoying or anywhere close to any of these qualities.
You are one of the coolest people I know. Seriously, I love you. I love that you're ALWAYS yourself. Around everyone.
New poeple, Old people, parents, EVERYONE. You're alwase the same Kyle. You know who you are. That's something I struggle with a lot and i look up to you for it. I LOVE that you cant spell. Everyone does. Kyle, Im blessed to know you and even more so to be able to call you one of my best friends. So stop. Stop doubting yourself, because you are amazing."

<3 Thanks so much
That mean more to me than you know

9/19/10

Ha wow.. Okay, Wow. Today. Ha wow
Okay so resently my self esteem has been really low and ive been super down in the dumps and just beating myself up and letting all the comments and stuff people have said in the past get to me.
And just all these mental break downs thinking how im not good enough or lame or stupid or just not cool
But today for some reason I texted one of my friends that i havnt talked to in a while, Michael and just started complaining about school and how i want to go to Bixby and getting made fun of and how my parents dont get me and all that jazz.
But then he started telling me how good of a kid i was and hes proud of me and stuff.
(I REALLY look up to him so this means allot)
And just how he knows what im going through and that hes there for me and just all around uplifting me.
Then not but 15-30 or so into the converation his girlfriend text me, Abbie and just out of the blue sent me
"Hey. You."
"You're my favorite ;)"
"... You're way to cool haha for real"
*complain complain*
"What the heck?!"
"... I cant imagine anyone not liking you"
Okay last one.
"Kyle. Those kids are so dumb. Im so proud of you. Like i probally havent ever told you cause i dont know how cool it is for some 20 year old who lives at home saying there proud of you. But its true. Your standards make me so happy. Cause i think you deserve the best (Why else would i say i want to marry you?! haha) I just think youre so awesome. Seriously. Like i dont just throw it out there. I really mean it. Youre someone I think a lot of people would be privildged to be part of your like. For real. Youre so cool. All your adeas and your creativiry and youre halarious"
"Im alwase here for you and i know Michael is to. We love you:)"
Like just wow
I really cant describe how much ive been needing this. Just help. Uplifting. Building
Michael:
"Ok Kyle. I love you bro...."
and just saying how hes proud of me and thinks im super cool and how people are stupid for making fun of me
And just how he know what im going through case the sae happend to him. And that hes alwase here if i need someone to talk to and just stuff like that
I dont wanna post all the stuff he put on there cause its my buisness and not yours HA
But just wow. Like i feel just so much better after all this.
I serriously have needed this more then i could of ever immagined.
Im so glad i know these two people.
But gosh God, You picked a wierd day to decide to totally bring me back. Renew me. A reset button persay.
Early today i thought today was gunna suck cause my best friends grandma died. Like i hurts me so much to see other people hurt so that put me in a bad pissed off mood pretty early in the day. So early on my day started sucking.
But then just out of the blue. Wow.
Just i feel so much better after this
Total renewing. THANK YOU SO MUCH Michael and Abbie. I really mean that
Even tho you dont read this. Just thanks
LVL UP!
+15 COURAGE
+10 WILL
+15 POWER :D

Fork

Okay so i have this ex, She use to be like super awesome and chill and just normal, But now shes all wierd. For a while i kept in contact with her cause i still liked her even tho she did all this crap to me when we were "dating"
Like she screwed with my head so much, it still effects me to this day
Theres allot more to the story and i dont think i care to blog it as of now.
But in short, whenever she talkes to me my first responce is to reply and say hey and what not.
Like i know that sounds stupid that after all shes done to me i still talk to her/wanna be friends with her?
Or do i? I honestly dont know
And my current best friend doesnt like her at all so then again i feel bad for wanting to stay ish friends with her
I just dont know. Why do you do this to me?
You have like freaking voodo powers!
IDONTKNOWWHATTODO! D:
Im at a fork in the road. Should i just totally disown her? Or stay friends with her and what not?
(ive been friends.... Known her for like 3 mabey 4 years)
I know staying friend with her would make me the bigger person (Would it?) I DONT KNOW!
But then again after all shes done i kinda just wanna disown her. Idk. Poop... whatever
I probally will end up bloging the whole "us" story. Just to see if it helps me at all ya know holms?
Okay yea im lame BYE!

Annoying

Heres a list of people i think im annoying to. Why you ask. WHY NOT!? I answer.
Brooklyn Branch
Lexie Mumey
Caboose Rubaker (idk if i spelt that right :/)
Michelle Morga
Chelsea Baker
Ian Silver
Davey White?
London Cannon
Mike Rickerby
Basically anyone who is older than me, i like, or look up to

Burdens

Okay so someone brought up that all i ever care about is other and never myself.
Which now looking on it is true
In a sence i think i take everyone that i care about and put ther burdens on me..
Like that sounds so stupid but like whenever there sad i think about how they feel
All my thought are consumed with them, and how they feel
And before you know it i feel like crap and helpless
Like i wish i could do something to help them
But i cant im just a stupid 15 year old who cant do anything
I wish my life was like the books... Or Scott Pilgrim or a super hero
Where i could alwase just help everyone out and make them feel better
BUT I CANT!
All i can do is just sit and watch them suffer.
I HATE IT!
Why do i do this though?
Partly because ive been through the things myself
(Speaking as of resent)
But idk.. Just this week has been hectic for me
I think ive had border line mental breakdowns every night
Thats not exagerating.
I just wish i could one just be totally 100% happy
No troubles, no worries, no pains, no scars, no hurt.
Just total and pure happy.
But sad thing is in the world we live in this task is imposible
Oh well... im not just gunna go on a start freaking out and be up super late thing and sulking
I hate doing that.
I just want... To be honest, I dont know what i want... happyness?
For me, for everyone

Mental breakdown

Im prety shure last night i had a compleat and total mental breakdown.
I feel allot better now though. Thanks. (you know who you are) :)
Well thats all

I wish

I wish i had higher self estem
I wish i didnt suck at spelling
I wish i was cool
I wish i was closer to God
I wish i wasnt stupid
I wish i liked school
I wish i was out of school
I wish i like my job
I wish i had more money
I wish i could drive
I wish i could date
I wish i was in a band
I wish i was as cool as you (Person intended.. well two)
I wish i got more encouragement from my family
I wish my parents wouldnt favor Ian
I wish i was more like Ian
I wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life
I wish i could stay young forever
I wish i could grow up
I wish i was in a TOURING band... or just a band that played showes.
I wish i had more friends... kinda
I wish i was like Scott Pilgrim
I wish i had an awesome life
I wish i could drum like nobodys buisness
I wish i could play guitar
I wish i had a banjo
I wish my parents would take me more serriously
I wish i could take away everyones troubles and hurts
I wish i could take away my own troubles and hurts
I wish my parents didnt creep mine and my friends tumblr's.. or friends perriod
I wish people looked up to me
I wish i was as cool as i once thought
I wish more people asked to see my permit
I wish so many people didnt make fun of me
I wish i didnt have to just walk to my locker then to class with noone even noting me
I wish i understood geometry
I wish i school was easy for me
I wish i wasnt alwase so down
I wish i didnt have to alwase act happy
I wish my life was like a video game
I wish life had cheat codes
I wish Pokemon were real
I wish i didnt get introuble for so much dumb stuff
I wish my parents were less strict
I wish i could hang out with people who my parents didnt know EVERYTHING about
I wish i could say whater i want
I wish i didnt get yelled at for my tweets
I wish my church had real drums
I wish i had an iPhone
I wish i knew exactly who i was
I wish i was 100% confident in that person
I wish i had super powers
I wish i was deep and thoughtfull like
I wish i could hand out with Caboose
I wish i could see Brooklyn every day
I wish i could hang out with the gang every day
I wish i could go to Bixby
I wish i could see more movies
I wish there was a cure for cancer
I wish sadness didint exist
I wish YOU didnt mess with my head so much
I wish i was better at art
I wish i didnt take others burdens on myself
I wish more people auctly listened when i talked
I wish i didnt get picked on by everyone
I wish i could see what everyone else see's in me
I wish i could grow a beard
I wish i had my long hair back
I wish i was alwase happy
I wish my family had more money
I wish i could help with everyones problems
I wish i had more free time
I wish allot of thing. Some dumb some serrious.
I wish....


Ill probally keep adding to this for a while