DRIVING > GETTING DROVE

So ive been driving for about 4 months give or take now. And when i fist started i was super happy and excited to start driving
I mean who isnt?!
But soon. Verry soon, especially with my parents i started to hate driving
It just sucks. I get yelled at for everyting
Even when i do nothing wrong. Yes i could do some stuff better sometimes but that doesnt mean you have to yell like serriously!
As soon as you yell i instiantly shut down and just stop lisenig
I keep driving but honest i dont know why?
To get better? To seek... finally get your approvial? To hear you say "You did a good job Kyle" For once in my life
Im just sick of getting yelled at for everythng!!!!!
I turned to slow
I turned to fast
I murged to slowily
I murge to fast and jerky
I didnt take your word for it... I thought you said to always double check no matter what
OH YEA and to top it off our car keys always get stuck for me my mom and my brother!!!!
But no never you were all just the screw ups!
I DONT FREAKJING DO ANYTHING WRONG WHEN I TAKE THE KEY OUT!!!!
YOU ALWAYS SEE ME DO IT! ITS EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO!!!
But no, i need to get yelled at about it

-Person with allot of thought but no one to tell them to
Kiyewl

Love Sparks

So today ive decided im going to start writing down all my love sparks for that day
10/22/10
Waking up to Caddy spooning with me.
Waking up again to Ian watching Beatles interviews and Caddy playing Megaman.
Seeing how my tye dye shirts came out.
Ian giving me and apple.
Searching for a open donut shop.
Giving up and going to QT at 2:40 for donuts.
Brooklyn randomly showing up at my house.
Seeing Brooklyn's "Now thats a cool story Bro" Tumblr post.
Driving to Pei Wei.
Almost killing everyone in the car.
Playing Pokemon again.
Long phone call with Brooklyn.
Reading Ians blog.

Okay so im stuck

Okay, so see i want a banjo cause i really want to learn it and im super excited and stuff.
So i get my banjo and instantly start learning "For the Widows in Paradise" And i lean/pratice that for a week or so
Then i get where i can play that song pretty easly, Now what?
Im stuck. Ive started dabbling in learning cripple creak and in my mind i have two thing going through it.
A. This is a clasic banjo song and ill learn it and it will be super cool and it'll help me allot to know it
and then..
B. Okay why am i learning this, its an old banjo song that isnt the style i want to play at all. This seems pointless
So i dont know what to do. I want to learn songs, But i cant learn by ear like Ian
I want to make stuff up, But im not good enough and have no idea what im doing
I dont know what to do, this probally sounds stupid but it bugs me. Allot
I just wish i knew what to pratice, or it was easyer to find stuff for banjo online
Like i ask Ian what to pratice he says chords, so i pratice chords and swiching them and what not but i wanna learn how to PLAY
I ask London where to look, and he says Youtube. IVE SEARCHED THERE SO MUCH AND ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND ANYTHING!!
Mabey im just getting ahead of myself and wanting to be good at banjo without the pratice.
Like i know Ian isnt as good as he is today from not praticing, but im just saying its frustating
I cant find anything online to pratice from or if i do it takes me hours to find then its to late or i dont have the time anymore to learn it
It just kinda sucks.


I alwayse seem to blog when im depresed or in a muff

So today

Today is just one of the day where i want to sit in my bed, and cry

Lessthanthree

This one is just for my own personal self.
"Hey, I need to tell you something. Your are extremely mistake. You're not lame or dumb or annoying or anywhere close to any of these qualities.
You are one of the coolest people I know. Seriously, I love you. I love that you're ALWAYS yourself. Around everyone.
New poeple, Old people, parents, EVERYONE. You're alwase the same Kyle. You know who you are. That's something I struggle with a lot and i look up to you for it. I LOVE that you cant spell. Everyone does. Kyle, Im blessed to know you and even more so to be able to call you one of my best friends. So stop. Stop doubting yourself, because you are amazing."

<3 Thanks so much
That mean more to me than you know

9/19/10

Ha wow.. Okay, Wow. Today. Ha wow
Okay so resently my self esteem has been really low and ive been super down in the dumps and just beating myself up and letting all the comments and stuff people have said in the past get to me.
And just all these mental break downs thinking how im not good enough or lame or stupid or just not cool
But today for some reason I texted one of my friends that i havnt talked to in a while, Michael and just started complaining about school and how i want to go to Bixby and getting made fun of and how my parents dont get me and all that jazz.
But then he started telling me how good of a kid i was and hes proud of me and stuff.
(I REALLY look up to him so this means allot)
And just how he knows what im going through and that hes there for me and just all around uplifting me.
Then not but 15-30 or so into the converation his girlfriend text me, Abbie and just out of the blue sent me
"Hey. You."
"You're my favorite ;)"
"... You're way to cool haha for real"
*complain complain*
"What the heck?!"
"... I cant imagine anyone not liking you"
Okay last one.
"Kyle. Those kids are so dumb. Im so proud of you. Like i probally havent ever told you cause i dont know how cool it is for some 20 year old who lives at home saying there proud of you. But its true. Your standards make me so happy. Cause i think you deserve the best (Why else would i say i want to marry you?! haha) I just think youre so awesome. Seriously. Like i dont just throw it out there. I really mean it. Youre someone I think a lot of people would be privildged to be part of your like. For real. Youre so cool. All your adeas and your creativiry and youre halarious"
"Im alwase here for you and i know Michael is to. We love you:)"
Like just wow
I really cant describe how much ive been needing this. Just help. Uplifting. Building
Michael:
"Ok Kyle. I love you bro...."
and just saying how hes proud of me and thinks im super cool and how people are stupid for making fun of me
And just how he know what im going through case the sae happend to him. And that hes alwase here if i need someone to talk to and just stuff like that
I dont wanna post all the stuff he put on there cause its my buisness and not yours HA
But just wow. Like i feel just so much better after all this.
I serriously have needed this more then i could of ever immagined.
Im so glad i know these two people.
But gosh God, You picked a wierd day to decide to totally bring me back. Renew me. A reset button persay.
Early today i thought today was gunna suck cause my best friends grandma died. Like i hurts me so much to see other people hurt so that put me in a bad pissed off mood pretty early in the day. So early on my day started sucking.
But then just out of the blue. Wow.
Just i feel so much better after this
Total renewing. THANK YOU SO MUCH Michael and Abbie. I really mean that
Even tho you dont read this. Just thanks
LVL UP!
+15 COURAGE
+10 WILL
+15 POWER :D

Fork

Okay so i have this ex, She use to be like super awesome and chill and just normal, But now shes all wierd. For a while i kept in contact with her cause i still liked her even tho she did all this crap to me when we were "dating"
Like she screwed with my head so much, it still effects me to this day
Theres allot more to the story and i dont think i care to blog it as of now.
But in short, whenever she talkes to me my first responce is to reply and say hey and what not.
Like i know that sounds stupid that after all shes done to me i still talk to her/wanna be friends with her?
Or do i? I honestly dont know
And my current best friend doesnt like her at all so then again i feel bad for wanting to stay ish friends with her
I just dont know. Why do you do this to me?
You have like freaking voodo powers!
IDONTKNOWWHATTODO! D:
Im at a fork in the road. Should i just totally disown her? Or stay friends with her and what not?
(ive been friends.... Known her for like 3 mabey 4 years)
I know staying friend with her would make me the bigger person (Would it?) I DONT KNOW!
But then again after all shes done i kinda just wanna disown her. Idk. Poop... whatever
I probally will end up bloging the whole "us" story. Just to see if it helps me at all ya know holms?
Okay yea im lame BYE!

Annoying

Heres a list of people i think im annoying to. Why you ask. WHY NOT!? I answer.
Brooklyn Branch
Lexie Mumey
Caboose Rubaker (idk if i spelt that right :/)
Michelle Morga
Chelsea Baker
Ian Silver
Davey White?
London Cannon
Mike Rickerby
Basically anyone who is older than me, i like, or look up to

Burdens

Okay so someone brought up that all i ever care about is other and never myself.
Which now looking on it is true
In a sence i think i take everyone that i care about and put ther burdens on me..
Like that sounds so stupid but like whenever there sad i think about how they feel
All my thought are consumed with them, and how they feel
And before you know it i feel like crap and helpless
Like i wish i could do something to help them
But i cant im just a stupid 15 year old who cant do anything
I wish my life was like the books... Or Scott Pilgrim or a super hero
Where i could alwase just help everyone out and make them feel better
BUT I CANT!
All i can do is just sit and watch them suffer.
I HATE IT!
Why do i do this though?
Partly because ive been through the things myself
(Speaking as of resent)
But idk.. Just this week has been hectic for me
I think ive had border line mental breakdowns every night
Thats not exagerating.
I just wish i could one just be totally 100% happy
No troubles, no worries, no pains, no scars, no hurt.
Just total and pure happy.
But sad thing is in the world we live in this task is imposible
Oh well... im not just gunna go on a start freaking out and be up super late thing and sulking
I hate doing that.
I just want... To be honest, I dont know what i want... happyness?
For me, for everyone

Mental breakdown

Im prety shure last night i had a compleat and total mental breakdown.
I feel allot better now though. Thanks. (you know who you are) :)
Well thats all

I wish

I wish i had higher self estem
I wish i didnt suck at spelling
I wish i was cool
I wish i was closer to God
I wish i wasnt stupid
I wish i liked school
I wish i was out of school
I wish i like my job
I wish i had more money
I wish i could drive
I wish i could date
I wish i was in a band
I wish i was as cool as you (Person intended.. well two)
I wish i got more encouragement from my family
I wish my parents wouldnt favor Ian
I wish i was more like Ian
I wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life
I wish i could stay young forever
I wish i could grow up
I wish i was in a TOURING band... or just a band that played showes.
I wish i had more friends... kinda
I wish i was like Scott Pilgrim
I wish i had an awesome life
I wish i could drum like nobodys buisness
I wish i could play guitar
I wish i had a banjo
I wish my parents would take me more serriously
I wish i could take away everyones troubles and hurts
I wish i could take away my own troubles and hurts
I wish my parents didnt creep mine and my friends tumblr's.. or friends perriod
I wish people looked up to me
I wish i was as cool as i once thought
I wish more people asked to see my permit
I wish so many people didnt make fun of me
I wish i didnt have to just walk to my locker then to class with noone even noting me
I wish i understood geometry
I wish i school was easy for me
I wish i wasnt alwase so down
I wish i didnt have to alwase act happy
I wish my life was like a video game
I wish life had cheat codes
I wish Pokemon were real
I wish i didnt get introuble for so much dumb stuff
I wish my parents were less strict
I wish i could hang out with people who my parents didnt know EVERYTHING about
I wish i could say whater i want
I wish i didnt get yelled at for my tweets
I wish my church had real drums
I wish i had an iPhone
I wish i knew exactly who i was
I wish i was 100% confident in that person
I wish i had super powers
I wish i was deep and thoughtfull like
I wish i could hand out with Caboose
I wish i could see Brooklyn every day
I wish i could hang out with the gang every day
I wish i could go to Bixby
I wish i could see more movies
I wish there was a cure for cancer
I wish sadness didint exist
I wish YOU didnt mess with my head so much
I wish i was better at art
I wish i didnt take others burdens on myself
I wish more people auctly listened when i talked
I wish i didnt get picked on by everyone
I wish i could see what everyone else see's in me
I wish i could grow a beard
I wish i had my long hair back
I wish i was alwase happy
I wish my family had more money
I wish i could help with everyones problems
I wish i had more free time
I wish allot of thing. Some dumb some serrious.
I wish....


Ill probally keep adding to this for a while

Time is going to fast

Today i was talking to my friend and we were just saying how time is going by to fast.
And it really is like ever since school (its almost the end of sumer) ive been saying that
Usually when im in school all i do is compain about how long its taking (trust me i still complain about school ALL THE TIME)
But like this school year flew by, And so has summer. Like its almost over and ive barely done anything i wanted to this summer
Like me and my friend made a list of like 13[?] things to do before school started and we've only compleated like 4 things out of all them.
And then there were things that just i wanted to do like, longboard and drum every day, get in shape, and just stuff like that.
How many times have i longboarded this summer? Like mabey 15 times tops..
Yea i drummed allot this summer and plan to for like... ever
But im still outta shape and STILL want to get in better shape.
BUT all that to say time is going by WAY to fast and i really dont like it one bit.
Life is already short enough for time to be going by this fast doesnt help at all.
Okay im not a believer in the whole 2012 bull but just still. IIFF the word did end in 2012 what would i have acomplished?
For good, bad, Myself?
The answer is basically nothing. Like ive WASTED my whole freaking life in brain melting school. I would be 100% fine if i just droped out of school and just started to live my life now, there to much i want to do before my life ends. In no paticular order
Grow old, get married, Longboard across an entire state, be in a band, go on tour with that band, have kids, MY PARENTS AUCTLY LET ME DATE, Auctly do something meaningfull in my life, Find out why i was put on this world.
Thos are just a few things i want to do. But at this rate i dont think much of this will come true not just because of time but other things to.
But all this to say time is going by way to freaking fast and i dont plan to waste any more time on stupid stuff or just sitting around.
I only have one life and i intent to make it intresting and something i can brag about in Heaven ;)
So yea thats all for now...
Sidenote: i dont know if my post ever make sence to like to the people who read them if anyone
I think im to like all over the place and scatter brained but YEA..
OK THIS IS REALLY ALL NOW.. BYE

Good point

so at this exact moment im talking about my blog post to THECOOLESTPERSONEVER!
And she was commenting on my last blog post, and she brought up a good point..
A blog is for your own person thoughts and you shouldnt care what other people think of it
and it doesnt have to be all "artsy fartsy in your [my] words"
Not that im like ever one to care what others think of me.. i auctly like being thought of "wierd"
I auctly love it! I like being looked at funny and laughed at and pointed at... it entertains me and shows that everyone else is insecure..
so i heard this UBER awesome quote. So ill end this blog with it!

I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.

-John Lennon

LAME

I wish i was all deep and artsy like some people,
and people auctly wanted to read what i posted, but im not.
im lame and just have stupid stuff to say like really
all i do on this is basically complain and say what i dont auctly SAY
Like all the people i follow on this have super cool blogs and there cool and all artsy and what not
BUT IM NOT ha i really need to just stop complaing on these things cause thats like all that my post are..
so yea thats all for now i guess.. YEA

Beliefs

Ok i was talking/thinking about this for a while
I dont like lables thus "beliefs" dont take this the wrong way
I just think its dumb how espeially in tulsa there are so many churches
Lutheran, Penticostal, Baptist, Cathloic, Orthodox, Anglican, Christian, Presbyterian, Brethern, Methodist.
Dont get me wrong there is a differance in all of these but why?
Im not judging for any of theise i just think its kinda dumb. If you disagree your you, Im me
But back to my point, Why are there so many if were all here for the same point, purpose, reason: to lead people to Christ
So im not saying any one of these is better than the other or anyting like that just i almost think it should jsut all be universial.
i might be putting myself in a hole with this blog but oh well, thats my choice.

so basically

ive just sat here and stared at my computer screen for the past like 30 minuts.. not doing anyting just stairing.. thinkin... jsdial;df

"Verg of a mental break down"

In the words of a very AMAZING AWESOME person "I think im on the verge of a mental break down"
Im soooo sick and fed up with everything right now
Im sick of people... and drama
works a bitch.. can i say that? oh well just did
People over react there so much
My parents are lame as crap and dont listen to me at all
and favor my brother like NO OTHER!!
and he knows it and they are so oblivios to it.
He gets so much crap for music and everything he wants.. i have to work and save up for everything i wanna buy
I do ALL the work around the house and he never does anything except sit in his royal palliae and play his billion new guitars that he gets daily while i have nothing.
He gets out of everything he does, i do the EXACT same thing that he does a week later or before and who gets his phone computer hainging out privleges taken away.... not him!
I think i might REALLY like this girl
i dont think she likes me tho cause idk.. im not much to like
Im getting annoyed with one of my best friends all of a sudden cause hes trying to be all mature
and what not and alwase says i complain about crap and just stupid crap
my oppinions matter to no one im just the annoying little tag allong brother thats annyoying and"is just there cause of [him]"
im just sick of allot.... yea thats all

stupid doodles

i make them all the time and love them! :) eventhouisuckatdrawing
and i like how everyone gives me stupid looks when i draw them
but yea thats all nothing deep or meaning full :P

Leap Without Looking

People over think things to much of the time.
They just need to learn to leap without looking.
I know that statement sounds kinda stupid, like idotioc
But theres allot of truth behind it if you think about it, Like with me personaly
im a very... strange person, You can ask my friends, I try not to follow the trends of life
The tracks persay
I try to dress a litte "diffrent" Not like freak diffrent just in a sence to go against the current
Not to try to be Cool or Rebelous just to Knot end up being like everyone else
I herd a quote one time and tottaly loved it!
"People look at me and say im wierd cause im diffrent, I look at others and say there wierd cause there all the exact same!"
well thats all, i kinda killed to birds with one stone in this blog, i alwase kinda seem to do that, But oh well..

SCREAMS!

Theres so many times when i just want to scream my mind at the top of my lungs, get it off my chest persay, Especialy when people in athority talk to me and do what they alwase do and say "This is what you ment" bla bla bla.. Im not trying to sound disrespectiful im just saying, Just whener people do that i just wanna be like FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I DID NOT MEAN THAT!! I MENT THIS!
or when they use false accusations and so called "read your mind" and say "You were basically saying this.." and i wasnt at all!
I wanna say what i mean, I WANT TO SCREAM IT AT THEM!!!
but all that will do it get me in more trouble so i just stay silent, And take what they "accuse" me of, i just wish for just one day i could just say what i auctly want to ide scream it at the top of my lungs...

life

Is oficaly the most confusing thing ever!!
One second you fell like your on top of the world and nothing can bring you down
and the next you feel like the size of an ant.
It kinda sucks somtimes, I usualy try to not let it affect me, but that doesnt alwase work
but what can i say, this is life. It's the FARTHIST thing from perfict.. never has been never will be
so ill just take it one step at at time
"I am who I am and if you dont like it, im sorry but im just gunna be me"
"People look at me and say im wierd cause im diffrent, i look at other and say there wierd cause there ALL THE EXACT SAME!"
this is basicaly my brain just throwin up through my fingers to get thoughts and emotions out
Sidenote: SCREW SPELLING RULES!!!!!
thats all :)